


Lance's Best and Most Irresistible Pick-Up Lines

by BananasFoster1



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Fluff, Humor, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Mutual Pining, OR IS HE, Oblivious Keith (Voltron), Pick-Up Lines, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) is So Done, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 16:37:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14548890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananasFoster1/pseuds/BananasFoster1
Summary: Along with a little help from the other Paladins Lance tries to win over an oblivious Keith with his best pick up lines. It doesn't go quite as planned.





	Lance's Best and Most Irresistible Pick-Up Lines

**Author's Note:**

> This is definitely more of a light hearted, silly fic. Please do not take this with an ounce of seriousness, I just figured we could all use a good laugh since we still have over a month until the next season. This takes place at some unspecified time after Keith comes back to the Castle of Lions and isn't related to my other Klance fic Galaxy's Halo. Check that out if you're looking for more plot, less schmoop.
> 
> I'm sure this has been done before. Probably many many times in fact but I wanted to put my own spin on it so here it is.

“You should just tell him how you feel. You don’t know how long it’ll be before he’s sent out on another mission.” Hunk suggested while making dinner in the galley at the Castle of Lions, working around Lance’s slumped over form at the counter. 

“I’ve tried! He just doesn’t get it. Every time I tell Keith I like him he just pats my shoulder and says ‘I like you too buddy!’” Lance groaned in mortification. 

“Maybe you just need to be more obvious. You know how Keith is, he’s not good with subtle.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Direct…like-like pick up lines! That’s perfect! No one can resist my best lines.”

Hunk nearly dropped his spoon in alarm “No. Lance-that wasn’t what I meant-“

“Thanks man, you’re the best!” Lance hopped up from the counter, suddenly reanimated and ran out of the room.

.

Keith just finished his daily training. During his work with the Blade of Marmora he missed the Castle’s training deck and even more so he missed boxed sports drinks kept in stock for after the training was over. He popped the straw into the box and sat down on one of the couches to relax and drink it, trying to decide if the alien flavor reminded him more of kiwis or peaches. 

He sniffed the drink for research purposes and felt the sneeze coming on seconds later.

“I’d say god bless you but it looks like he already did.” Lance was suddenly leaning along the back of the couch, startling Keith enough that he squeezed the juice box into exploding.

“Where the hell did you come from!” 

.

Coran made them clean up the juice themselves. They were just finishing up when Lance tried his next line.

“Hey Keith, did you swallow magnets?”

“What? No.” 

“Really? Because you’re attractive.” Lance wiggled his eyebrows.

Keith just frowned at tapped the metal table as if he expected it to stick to him. “No I’m not. See?”

“Oh forget it.” 

.

“Hey Keith! Do you want to play a game?” Lance ran after Keith when he was going into one of the castle’s conference rooms.

“I’m kind of busy right now Lance-“

“It’s called rock, paper, take off all your clothes.” Lance leaned in the doorway but yelped when Kolivan suddenly appeared behind Keith’s shoulder.

“Your game sounds intriguing but it will have to wait until after our meeting.”

“Yes sir.” Lance squeaked out

.

“Where’s your favorite place in the universe? Because mine is right next to you.”

“I went to Disneyland once. I really liked it.”

“What?” Lance sputtered “Disneyworld is so much better.”

.

“Was math your favorite subject? Because you’re pretty at every angle.”

“I liked flight class the best.”

.

“Hello. I’m the man of your dreams. Someone said you were looking for me.” 

“I wasn’t but Kolivan wants you to teach the Blade that game you mentioned the other day.”

“He wants me to what now?”

.

“You have been watching him train for the past ten minutes. It’s getting weird. You need to say something.” Pidge said to Lance on the training deck, jolting him out of his mesmerized stupor as he watched Keith flip and roll.

“Hey Keith!” He called and waited until he turned off the simulator and walked over “Your body is sixty five percent water and I’m thirsty.” Lance even said it in his most provocative tone.

Keith bent over and handed Lance his water bottle. Pidge fell to the ground laughing.

.

“Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“It’s my knife.”

.

“Is your name Waldo? Because someone like you is hard to find.”

“My name is Keith. You know that.”

.

“You’re so hot even my pants are falling for you.”

“Do you want to borrow a belt?”

.

“Feel my shirt. Do you know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material.”

Keith reached over and ran his hand down Lance’s chest “Feels like cotton to me.” He said before walking away, leaving Lance opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

.

Lance was running out of ideas and asked some of the others in the Castle for suggestions. He went with Matt’s chosen line first, sitting by Keith during lunch. “If you were a vegetable I think you’d be a _cute_ cumber.”

Lance felt himself hope as Keith seemed to consider the line for a moment before saying “I think you’d be a turnip.”

Lance hung his head in defeat before the words finally registered “Wait! What!?”

.

Lance tried Hunk’s hesitantly suggested line next. “Do you know any good bakeries around? Because I’d love to have a cutie pie like you.”

“Lance. We’re on a space ship. There are no bakeries.”

.

“I don’t even get this one.” Lance muttered

“Just try it.” Pidge shoved him into the room and Keith looked up from where he was sharpening his blade.

Lance swallowed hard and read the words scribbled on to the back of his hand “You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you.”

Keith just blinked at him uncomprehendingly and Lance groaned, stomping out.

“I told you it wouldn’t work Pidge!”

.

“Are you an alien? Because you just abducted my heart.”

“I’m half alien and I take offense to that.”

“Right…” Lance quickly slid out of the room

.

Allura’s suggestion was much more romantic. Once Lance explained to her what a pick up line was she considered different Altean courting traditions and chose the verse most easily translated into an Earthlike pick up line. She warned that it was normally used during the long Altean summers but Lance figured he’d give it a shot anyways, catching Keith in one of the lower corridors of the Castle “You know why I can’t see the stars tonight? You outshine them.”

Keith looked out the nearby window into space and took a moment to stare at all of the stars rushing past them before looking back at Lance confused.

“Just-nevermind.”

.

“If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put U and I together.”

“You know there’s no reason why the alphabet is in that particular order except that that's the way it's always been sung.”

“Whoa.”

.

“Is your name Maple? Because I’d tap that.”

“It's me. Keeeeeith.”

.

Lance took the opportunity of being on mission on an alien world to try Lotor’s suggested line. He couldn’t believe he was desperate enough to ask Lotor but he figured it couldn’t be any worse than anyone else’s suggestions. “No wonder the skies on this planet are pink. All the blue is in your eyes.”

Keith blinked at him “My eyes are grey.”

“Crap.”

.

“Did we have a class together? I could have sworn we had chemistry.”

“We were in the same class at the Garrison. You know that.”

.

Shiro was trying his best to steer clear of this particular conversation, avoiding Lance’s questions or pretending he didn’t know any good pick up lines. Even so he couldn’t avoid his teammates at all times. Though to Lance’s credit he did wait until after the joint mission between the Paladins and the Blade of Marmora was over before laying down his line over the comms for everyone to hear.

“Hey Keith, I’m a pirate-“

“Lance.” Shiro warned 

“-I’m here for your booty.”

There was a collective groan of exasperation and Shiro officially gave up on his friends.

.

“Apart from being sexy what do you do for a living?”

“Fight an intergalactic war and try to bring peace to universe.”

.

“Let’s flip a quarter. Heads your mine. Tails I’m yours.”

“Where did you get a quarter? We’re in the middle of space.”

.

“You have a _sword._ ”

“Yes…”

“I have a _sword._ ”

“I’ve heard.”

“Want to _sword fight?_ ”

“Sure.”

“Whoa, really?”

“Yeah, I’ll get the robots on the training deck ready.”

Lance sighed, wondering how one person could be so completely oblivious “Alright…”

.

“Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give one back.”

Keith looked at Lance and shrugged, leaning forward he cupped his cheeks and gave him a kiss so thorough that when they broke apart Lance stood red and frozen. 

“Don’t forget to give it back later.” Keith smirked and patted Lance on the back before walking away.

“You’re going to drive him crazy you know.” Keith saw Shiro leaning against a wall when he turned the corner out of the room.

“Yeah but if I tell him I get it he might stop.” Keith smirked

“You’re terrible.” Shiro shook his head.

**Author's Note:**

> Well there you go. If you cracked a smile at least once then I've successfully completed my job. Don't forget to Kudos and Review!


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